Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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