i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
