i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
