i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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