I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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