I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
