was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
