be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
