The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and she was petting her beer can
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
