Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
