Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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