we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
