i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
