I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
