You don't have asthma, your pregnant
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
