just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
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You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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