Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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