Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
operation harelip BJ is a go
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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