it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
