Can Purell be used as lube?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
