At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
