Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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