Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
