Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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