Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize