the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
