So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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