I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm too high and old for this...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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