also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
