Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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