what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
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JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize