i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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