Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
