dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
