After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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