No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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