i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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