Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
