he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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