There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
