I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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