Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
