How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He better not be in your backpack
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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