dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize