remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
