Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
