After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
