he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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