What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
