Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
