I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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