I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
