Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
