my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
