her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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