omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dude. I can hear the air.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
