oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
