my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.