ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.