Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.