he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now