Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
