he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
