Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
