Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
