Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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