So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
