whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
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Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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