This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
