Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Congratulations! We have a period
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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