Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
