I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
