Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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