Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can text with my tongue
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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