that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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