Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it glows. i had to have it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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