I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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