problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex on a roof
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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